I Just Want You To Know Who I Am
by aussiefan24
Summary: What if the person you've been looking for your whole life, turns out to be the one person that you'd never expect? Sydney/Sark. Review!!! Chapter 4 is up. Sark's secrets are revealed.
1. Default Chapter

Title: I Want You To Know Who I Am  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or anything else relating to Alias. Nor do I own the song at the beginning.  
  
Summery: This story revolves around Sydney and Sark, so if you don't like the idea of them as a couple you may not like it, but I encourage you to read it anyway. I need all the helpful criticism I can get.  
  
Rating: PG for now, but it may change to PG-13 in later chapters.  
  
A/N: Please read and review. And before you read it, I apologize for any grammar mishaps or anything else that will probably suck. I'm a young writer without absolutely any experience and I'm just writing this for fun. But I hope that you like it.  
  
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(I just thought that I'd add this song in because I think that it really relates to Sydney and Sark, and hopefully it will give you some idea of where I'm planning on going with the story.)  
  
IRIS By: Goo Goo Dolls  
  
And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't wanna go home right now.  
  
And all I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life. 'Cause sooner or later it's over. I just don't wanna miss you tonight.  
  
And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken. I just want you to know who I am.  
  
And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin', or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.  
  
And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken. I just want you to know who I am.  
  
I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am.  
  
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On most nights, the hard rain pounding against Sydney's window would help to lull her into a peaceful sleep, but tonight all it seemed to do was prevent her from sleeping at all. Just as well, she figured. She wasn't sure she could have gotten to sleep anyway. She was dreading getting up in the morning.  
  
Tomorrow was her first (and hopefully her only) mission with Sark. And she was not looking forward to it at all.  
  
Flashback to SD-6 briefing  
  
"This is Roberto Vassille." Sloan informed them, talking about the man on the screen. "He is a wealthy business man and an avid historian. His latest interest is one of the Rambaldi artifacts that we have been trying to acquire. Mr. Vassille has obtained the location of this artifact, and we need to know where it is. Sydney, you will fly to Paris. Once you arrive there you are to go immediately to the train station loading docks and into the storage warehouse there. That is where you will meet up with Mr. Sark." "Wait a minute." Sydney said, surprise evident in her voice. "Why am I meeting Mr. Sark?" "Mr. Sark will be accompanying you on this mission. He was sent earlier so he could set a bugging system in Mr. Vassille's room before he arrived." Sloan looked at Sydney suspiciously for a moment and then continued. "After meeting up with Mr. Sark the two of you will board a small carrier car which shall take you to Florei, a small town a couple of hours outside Paris. The train does not stop there, so unfortunately you will have to jump out of the train. But I don't believe that that should be too big of a problem." Sydney tried to sustain from rolling her eyes. This mission was getting better and better by the second. "Once in Florei, Mr. Sark will lead you to the hotel in which Mr. Vassille is staying. He is supposed to be meeting with a business partner there to discuss the artifact. You and Mr. Sark are to monitor this meeting from another room in the hotel." When Sloan had finished Sydney looked up and gave him her best fake smile. "Sounds simple enough." "Great. You leave in the morning."  
  
End of flashback  
  
Yeah, simple. Sydney had know clue what this mission was going to be like. But having to deal with Sark, meant that it was going to be anything but simple.  
  
A/N: Okay.I know it's a slow start, but it'll get better (and the chapters will be longer) I promise. Just review and let me know if I should continue or not. 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I just want you to know who I am.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Do not sue me.  
  
Summery: Sydney and Sark discover new things about each other on the train ride to Florei.  
  
A/N: I promise that this chapter will be better than the last one. And longer too.  
  
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The smell of hot coffee woke Sydney from her dreamless sleep. She pulled on a robe and walked out of her bedroom to see who it was that was awake. Part of her hoped that it wasn't Francie. Things were always awkward between them whenever Sydney got ready to leave for a business trip. She would always ask about where she was going and about what type of business, and Sydney just hated lying to her. Luckily she walked out of her bedroom to find Will in the kitchen making himself a cup of coffee.  
  
"Hey, how 'bout fixing me a cup too?" Sydney asked, taking a seat in one of the bar stools around the counter.  
  
"Sure." Will said, pouring her a cup and handing it to her. She took a long sip and sighed with satisfaction. Will sat down across from her. "I take it it's going to be a long a day?"  
  
"Ugh.you have no idea." Sydney replied, taking another drink of her coffee. Will sensed that she did not want to talk about her mission, so he didn't ask her about it.  
  
"What time do you have to leave?"  
  
Sydney looked at the clock on the microwave. "In about an hour and a half. I have just enough time to shower and get packed before I have to leave."  
  
Sydney considered telling Will about how she was going to have to work with Sark and how she was dreading it, but she decided against it. It was no use causing him to relive old memories if he didn't have to. She quickly guzzled down the rest of her coffee and headed toward the bathroom.  
  
After showering, getting dressed, and doing some last minute packing, Sydney gave Will a hug goodbye and told him to tell Francie that she said goodbye, and then she was out the door.  
  
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The plane ride to Paris was pretty uneventful. But it gave Sydney plenty of time to think. Part of her was absolutely dreading this mission. But another part of her was kind of looking forward to it. She thought that this may be a good opportunity to get more information about Sark. True, he wasn't exactly the most forthcoming person in the world, but maybe even the littlest piece of information could help her to better understand him. But did she really want to understand him.  
  
Here is a man that she knows that she should absolutely despise with a passion, but, for some reason, she doesn't. Part of her sees him as just a cold-blooded killer. But another part of her sees him as simply misunderstood. All Sydney wanted to uncover was the reason. The reason why he was the way he was. Why he does the things he does. She wanted a reason for why she shouldn't hate him. Or maybe, a reason why she should. It would be so much easier to hate him than to understand him. Oh well.she knew that it wasn't going to be simple.  
  
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Sydney waited at the warehouse for about seven minutes before Sark showed up.  
  
"Miss Bristow, lovely to see you again."  
  
Sydney winced, and turned around to see Sark walking toward her. "Let's skip the pleasantries Mr. Sark. Do you know what boxcar we're supposed to be in?"  
  
Sark smirked at her and gestured to her to follow him. He led her to a very small boxcar toward the very back of the train. It was about the size of a small mini-van.  
  
"We have to ride for five hours in this thing?" Sydney asked, throwing her bags inside.  
  
"Well, now we can't exactly ride in the passenger car, now can we? I'm sure the other passengers would find it quite strange when we just opened up the door and jumped out, don't you?"  
  
Sydney ignored him and climbed into the car.  
  
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The first hour of the ride was spent in silence. After Sark had gone over the mission plans with her, the two had been silent ever since.  
  
"Well, this is fun." He replied, leaning up against his bag. Sydney remained quiet, so he tried again to make conversation. "I'm a little surprised that you even agreed to take this mission. Why did you?"  
  
"Well, it wasn't exactly like I had much of a choice in the matter." She answered, starring up at the roof of the boxcar. "Besides, I thought that it might be a good opportunity to get to know you." She looked over at Sark who starred back at her a little surprised.  
  
"You want to get to know me?"  
  
"Sure. I mean, you seem to know so much about me, and I know absolutely nothing about you. I think that I at least deserve on little tidbit about you."  
  
Sark studied her for a moment. "Very well.here's your little tidbit for the day."  
  
Sydney sat up, expecting to actually get some personal information about Sark.  
  
"I...am 27 years old."  
  
Sydney rolled her eyes and laid back down. Sark smirked at her. Happy with her reaction.  
  
"Do you have to be such a smart ass all the time?" She asked him. "I mean, is that just how you act on missions, or just how you act around me? Or is that just a part of your natural personality?"  
  
Sark sat up straight and looked Sydney in the eye. "Okay Miss Bristow, listen up. This is the first, and probably only piece of personal information that you will receive from me. Like any living, breathing, human male, I believe that showing my emotions is a sign of weakness. Therefore, when I am working I do not expose them. There are two different Sarks. There is the one that is with you on this mission, and than there is the." Sark paused for a moment, not wanting to reveal too much about himself. ".and then there's the other one. So, you see Miss Bristow, you say you want to get to know me, but that might be hard to do considering that sometimes I don't even know myself."  
  
The two of them sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, before Sark finally spoke up.  
  
"Well, it's your turn. I told you a secret about myself, now it's your turn."  
  
Sydney could see that it had been hard for Sark to tell her what he did. So she tried to make him feel a little bit less exposed.  
  
"Oh come on." She started, sitting up. "That's not a secret. I mean, what you just said applied to about everybody. Especially people in this line of work. You don't think I have two different personalities? I think that I deserve something a little better than that."  
  
Sark pondered that for a moment. "Fine. But only if I get some information on you first."  
  
"Fine.I'll tell you one of my secrets."  
  
"And I want something good too. I don't want something like, you have a secret obsession with cauliflower. I want something big. Like, that you're really working as a double agent for the CIA."  
  
Sydney's head shot up in shock. "What did you just say?"  
  
  
  
A/N: Let me know what you think so far. I don't know how long it'll take me to write more, but I'll try to get the next chapter up as fast as I can. 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: I just want you to know who I am  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own. Never will.  
  
Summery: Some surprising revelations cause Sydney to look at Sark in a new light.  
  
A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone for all your great reviews. I took a little more time on this chapter because I wanted it to be just right. I hope you like it. Enjoy.  
  
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"What did you just say?"  
  
"Oh come on, Sydney. You couldn't possibly have though that I'd never find out, could you?"  
  
Sydney was dumbfounded. How could Sark know that she was a double agent? How long had he known? Had he told anyone else? And if he did know, than why wasn't she dead by now.  
  
"Uh.how, how long have you known?"  
  
Sark sat up and leaned back against the train. "Do you remember our first encounter?"  
  
"Vaguely."  
  
"Well, after you tried to infiltrate my meeting with KGB, I made it my personal mission to find out everything that I could about you. At first I didn't find out much. Just small things. How long you've worked for SD-6. When they recruited you. Then I hacked in to some of their case files and found out what an extraordinary agent you really were."  
  
Sydney blushed a little at the compliment, but not enough for Sark to notice. He continued.  
  
"Your record spoke for itself. It was outstanding. Not only in your physical capability, but also in your intelligence. You were quick- thinking. Smart. Too smart to have been working for SD-6 for almost a decade and not know the truth. So, I did a little more digging and found out the truth."  
  
Sydney sat up, trying to take this all in. "Who else knows?" She finally asked. She knew that Sark had her right where he wanted her. He had damaging information on her, that if leaked, could mean not only the end of her career, but the end of her life.  
  
"No one." Sark answered.  
  
"You didn't tell anyone? Why?"  
  
"What good would it do me to tell anybody? Besides, I respect what you're doing."  
  
"What do you mean you respect what I'm doing? Sark, the only time you respect anything is when it somehow helps to benefit you."  
  
"Who said that this wasn't?"  
  
Sydney was confused. "How is me being a double agent helping you?"  
  
Sark remained quiet, realizing he may have just given away too much information. He thought about his response and finally answered her.  
  
"Let's just say that everyday you go to work you help me get a little bit closer to accomplishing my goal."  
  
Now Sydney was really confused. She looked at him curiously. She mulled the thought over and over again in her head, but was coming up with nothing.  
  
"How is me working to take down SD-6 helping you accomplish your goal?"  
  
Sark averted his eyes, not wanting to reveal anything else.  
  
But Sydney wasn't letting go. "I mean, you're working with SD-6 now, right?" She quickly turned to look at him. "Or are you?"  
  
Sark turned to meet her gaze.  
  
"You pretended that you wanted to help SD-6 just so you could infiltrate it, and what? Take over? Steal the artifacts that we have? Destroy it? What?"  
  
Before Sark could answer the watch that he was wearing beeped, letting them now that the train was now passing Florei.  
  
"This is our stop." He said, standing up and grabbing his bag. He helped Sydney to her feet and opened the door of the car. Sydney moved over to the door and waited for Sark's signal to jump. Her mind was reeling. Why was Sark pretending to help SD-6? What did he want? Hopefully she would get some of the answers she was looking for when they reached the hotel. Sark counted to three.and they jumped.  
  
A/N: Short.I know. But I will have the next chapter out, hopefully some time Friday night. Please review. 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: I just want you to know who I am  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Alias, nor do I own the characters. All I own is the idea and the plot.  
  
Summery: Sark's secrets are revealed.  
  
A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews. I promise.I am going to work hard to make this the best chapter so far. Enjoy..  
  
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When they reached the hotel room Sydney noticed that Sark had already set up all of the surveillance equipment. There were television monitors that displayed Vassilee's room. And sound equipment so that she and Sark could hear his conversation. Aside from that, the room was quite nice. It was about the size of Sydney's living room, but had just enough space for the two of them.  
  
"Uh, how long do you think we're going to have to stay here?" Sydney asked, noticing the one bed.  
  
Sark was on the floor checking to see that all the equipment was working right. "I'm not sure. There was never a specific date set for the meeting. So, if it's not tonight, than it will most likely to be tomorrow. Or the day after." Sark trailed off noticing Sydney's eyes, fixated on the bed. He sighed loudly. "Don't worry. If we have to stay over night I'll be more than happy to sleep on the floor" He replied.  
  
Sydney didn't say anything, and just went into the bathroom to change out of her traveling clothes. Afterwards, there was nothing left to do but sit and wait for Vassille and his partner to meet. Sark sat on the floor, his back up against the wall, watching the monitors. And Sydney sat on the bed watching him. Her mind drifted back to their conversation on the train. There were so many questions that she wanted answered. She didn't know what it was that interested her so much about Sark. But ever since he came to "work" for SD-6 she had been mulling questions over in her brain that she wondered about him. At first, what she wanted to know about was just the big stuff. What type of information did he know about her and SD- 6. How he came to do what he does. How long he had worked for her mother. You know, the things that any good agent would be interested in knowing. But lately she had found herself wondering about more personal matters. What his childhood was like. Did he have any brothers or sisters. Had he ever been in love. These were all things that she wanted to know. But now, all she really wanted to know was Sark's connection to SD-6. She decided to just try to make casual conversation, and to not push the subject.  
  
"So are we just not going to talk to each other for the entire mission?" She asked.  
  
"What's there to talk about?" He asked, his eyes fixated on the monitor.  
  
"I don't know. How about why you're pretending to work for SD-6?"  
  
So much for not pushing.  
  
Sark's eyes stayed on the monitor. "Miss Bristow, my work at SD-6 in none of your business."  
  
"Yes, it is my business. I work there too, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, you work there." He said sarcastically.  
  
"Okay, so I pretend to work there. I still have a right to know what you're planning to do."  
  
Sark remained quiet.  
  
"I mean, do you want to earn Sloan's trust so that you can steal some of the artifacts that we have? Do you want to take over?"  
  
"I assure you, Sydney, that I have no intention of taking over SD-6"  
  
"Than what?" Sydney asked, starting to become frustrated. "Do you simply want to destroy it? Is that it?"  
  
Sark looked away from the monitor and glanced into space. Sydney realized that she was right.  
  
"That's why you said that everyday I go to work I'm helping you get closer to your goal. Destroying SD-6." She said, more to herself than to him. "Why? I mean, what motivation do you have for wanting SD-6 destroyed?"  
  
Sark glanced over at her quickly and than averted his eyes again. "I have my reasons, okay?"  
  
Sydney noticed something different in Sark's eyes. The smugness that had once been there was now replaced with something else. Hurt. Sydney had seen that look before. In her own eyes. It was the moment when she realized that she had to take down SD-6 because of what they had done to Danny. Suddenly a thought crossed her mind.  
  
"What did SD-6 do to you?"  
  
Sark looked at her again, this time not looking away. He seemed to be fighting back tears.  
  
"They did something to you to make you hate them." She said.  
  
She realized that Sark's pain and anger went much deeper than she had ever thought.  
  
"It's a long story." He replied, his voice void of all emotion. Sydney could tell that whatever it was, it was something he hadn't discussed in a long time, if at all. But she could tell part of him wanted to.  
  
"We have time." She replied, going over and sitting on the floor next to him. Was this really happening? Were her and Sark actually having a personal conversation? No fighting. No sarcasm. Just talk.  
  
"You can tell me." Sydney said, when she sensed his hesitation.  
  
"Why do you care?" He asked her. He had never had anybody give a damn about him for a very long time, and now, suddenly, here was this woman, who hated him, and she wanted to know his life story. Why?  
  
"Honestly, I'm not sure." She replied. "I just have a feeling like maybe we have more in common than I think."  
  
Sark starred off into space again. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "What do you want to know."  
  
Sydney smiled, happy that he was willing to open up. She knew that in the long run this would be good for him. "Start at the beginning."  
  
He leaned against the wall and took another deep breath. He looked over at her, and began. "When I was a couple of months old my mother realized that she didn't have what it took to take care of a child, so she dumped on the steps a small orphanage in Moscow. That's where I grew up. It was fine at first, but than I became old enough to realize that I was an orphan. That I was unwanted.  
  
"Little did I know that my father was out scouring the countryside looking for me. He checked every orphanage that he could find, searching. When I was five he finally found me. He had since married and had another child, my half brother, and his wife had died of cancer, but none of that stopped him from trying to find me. God, I remember that day. It was four days before Christmas. The best present that I could ever get."  
  
Sark smiled at the memory, but it faded almost as quickly as it had come. He cleared his throat and continued.  
  
"I went to live with my father and my brother. My father worked for the Russian government, in a division that is similar to the CIA. He was great at what he did." Sark's voice was full of pride. Sydney could tell that he loved his father very much. He went on.  
  
"Around the early 80's the department that my father worked for was becoming corrupt. Capitalists were starting to take over high positions, and my he wanted nothing to do with that.  
  
"Word had gotten to him that the CIA was looking for some valuable agents, and my father sent a telegram saying that he was interested, and he, my brother, and I, packed up and moved to America. But before my father could reach the CIA about a job, SD-6 got to him."  
  
Sydney sat up straighter. Sark looked over at her and she urged him to go on.  
  
"He agreed to go work for them, of course, thinking that he was working for the CIA. Arvin Sloan had just taken control at that time. So, he continued to work for SD-6 for a few months, but my father was no idiot. He started to notice that things weren't right. He did some investigating, and eventually found out the truth. And.well, you know first hand what SD-6 does when that happens."  
  
Sark paused again, trying to find strength enough to continue. He cleared his throat.  
  
"I still remember that night. Every detail."  
  
Sydney watched him intently as he seemed to be visualizing it.  
  
"It was about one o'clock in the morning when my father came into our bedroom. He woke me and Michael, that's my brother, he woke us up and told us to be very quiet. We went quietly down to the car and got in, and he just started to drive as fast as he could. It wasn't long before we had four black Blazers following us. Michael was only four at the time, and had no idea what was happening. I kept trying to tell him that it was going to be okay, but I think that I was trying to convince myself more than him. Either way, it didn't help.  
  
"I remember seeing my father's eyes in the rearview mirror as he drove. I had never seen that look before in his eyes. Hopelessness. He knew that it was no use. So, he told us that he was going to stop the car, and we were to jump out and run as far and as fast as we could, and hide.  
  
"When the car stopped I grabbed my brother's hand and pulled him out of the car. We ran and ran and didn't look back. All of a sudden I felt my brother let go of my hand. I thought that he was still right behind me." Sark's voice began to crack. He cleared his throat again, trying to push back his emotions, but he was unable to do so.  
  
"I ran down an ally and hid behind a dumpster. I could still see our car from where I was, and when I turned around I saw my brother laying on the ground. He had tripped while we were running. Twisted his ankle. A man with a black ski mask on picked him up and carried him over to where my father was standing, surrounded by more men in masks. One of them took off his mask, and there I saw the man that I had come to think of as an uncle. Sloan just stood there with a gun pointed at my father's head. He could of killed him with a single shot, but..but he had to make him suffer. And in the worst possible way.  
  
"From where I was hiding I saw Arvin Sloan take my little brother, stand him in front of my father, and shoot him. Then they made my father stand there and watch him die. It only took minutes, but it seemed like hours. And then, then the shot him too."  
  
Sydney hadn't noticed that she had been crying, but what she did notice were the tears that were in Sark's eyes. He looked down at the ground.  
  
"I was eight years old." Sark fought to hold the tears back, but could not help in when a tear drop ran down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and continued.  
  
"Anyway, after that my sole purpose in life became to destroy Arvin Sloan, no matter what I had to do. Of course, there's not too much you can really do at eight years old, but when I turned eighteen I went back to Moscow changed my name, and that's where I was discovered my your mother. She told me she would help get what I wanted if I came to work for. I couldn't refuse. So, I went to work for Irina, and, and did whatever it took, killed whoever it took, to make sure that Sloan paid."  
  
Sydney wiped the tears from her eyes. She couldn't believe this. She finally had an answer to all of her questions. She wanted to know what had caused Sark to become the way he is today, and now she knew. Revenge. But it couldn't have happened just like that, could it? He couldn't have just gone to work for her mother and gradually become evil. There were so many more questions that needed to be answered. She looked over at Sark, who was a complete wreck. She decided that those questions could wait. She took his hand and entwined her fingers with his. He looked over at her. Sydney had never seen so much pain in somebody's eyes before. She stood up and helped him over to the bed, then she sat down beside him.  
  
"You probably think that I'm a monster." Was all he could manage to say.  
  
"I don't think you're a monster." Sydney said, smiling at him. "I just think that you are a very hurt, very angry person. And I think that somewhere inside you're still that eight year old boy who just wants justice for his father and brother's death." She wiped a tear away that was falling down his cheek. Was it possible that this man sitting next to her was the same man that a few weeks ago was holding a gun to her head? Now look at him. The man she once believed seemed immortal, was now sitting beside her more human than ever. Sydney didn't know what it was that drew her towards Sark. Maybe she just wanted to stop his pain. But she leaned in and kissed him very softly on the lips. When the kiss began to deepen Sark pulled away. And looked at her.  
  
"Sydney, I'm sorry, but-"  
  
"No. No, I'm sorry. I mean, I shouldn't have presumed anything."  
  
"Sydney it's not that. Believe me. If we weren't here, and it was under different circumstances I wouldn't hesitate in the least. I mean, you're the most beautiful, amazing woman that I've ever met."  
  
Sydney wasn't sure, but she think that she began to blush.  
  
"I just wouldn't want you to do something that you might regret tomorrow."  
  
Sydney smiled at Sark, and wrapped her arms around him. The two sat there in an embrace for what seemed like forever. Something about it just felt comforting. Sark moved and laid down on the bed, and Sydney laid her head on his chest. Her emotions were pulling her in a million different directions. She didn't know what she was going to do when this mission was over. All she knew, is that what she was doing right now, was just fine with her.  
  
  
  
A/N: Well.you like? I do. But, of course, I always love some good tearjerker/fluff chapters. But I wanna know what you think, so please review. Next chapter coming soon. 


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